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Is it just because males are generally more promiscuous? Is it due to the nature of same sex relationships? Or am I mistaken about the rarity of truly monogamous gay relationships? In fact, it seems that it’s rather difficult to find gay males who are interested in a truly monogamous, lifelong relationship. Recently I found out that a large number of “monogamous” gay relationships are actually open relationships. I once thought that gay indviduals in monogamous relationships were truly monogamous. Even if I completely reject my Christian religion with its prohibitions on same-sex relationships, the chances of finding this special relationship seem slim or nonexistent. But they involved a boy, so they were filled with false hope.
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If these fantasies had involved a girl, they would have been filled with potential. These fantasies were also “abnormal” for a boy, because my partner in that special relationship was invariably a boy. Special because the relationship had a sexual element.įantasies about that relationship were one of my secret pleasures as a child. Special because the relationship was intimate. Special because the relationship was long-term. Special because the relationship I envisioned was exclusive. Since as young as I can remember, I’ve always had the desire to be in a special relationship. but i love him too much to ever be OK w/ cheating on him, or opening our beautiful, intimate love to someone else. it’s not like i think i’ll never be tempted. so, so much! and it’s not like i don’t find other men attractive. obviously, these 2 groups are in line with what we see in straight, Christian circles as well (i.e., some believe that sex before marriage is prohibited, and others do not, but they’re all agreed that once married, monogamy is what’s Biblically encouraged). and there ARE yet more couples out there who believe in and pursue monogamous relationship, even though they don’t see any Scriptural prohibitions towards sex before marriage – but are monogamous in their relationships nonetheless.
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So all that to say, i hope and pray that as you journey and life and figure out how to best live according to God’s principle’s, that you know that there ARE gay, Christian couples out there who hold to an orthodox, Christian ethic regarding sexual purity (well, except for the whole gay part ? ). but of the couples we DO know well (and i’d say that’s probably about 10 solid couples) – none are IN open relationships (even though in one of the couples, one partner is actually bi, and he’d be ok w/ an open relationship, but the other partner is gay and absolutely refuses to go there). i say i don’t “KNOW” because a few of our friends we don’t know well enough to even be able to say – but i’d be quite surprised to find out that they were into that sort of swinging lifestyle. however, i don’t KNOW of any of our gay coupled friends who are ok w/ open relationships. What’s more, of all the gay people that i know of, probably only about 5% are super promiscuous, and if they actually did end up in relationships, would probably be ok being in an open one. but even that’s probably largely influenced by my orthodox Christians background and doctrine regarding sexual intimacy. part of that is psychological perhaps (i’m the jealous type, and just couldn’t bare to share my lover w/ anyone else). and from there, all i can talk about is my own experience, and touch on the experiences of people that i know. I think the heart of your question is really about how possible it would be for you (or anyone) to find a satisfying, monogamous, life-long relationship with someone. Well, without further ado, here’s Darren: His experience demonstrates that life-long commitment (including sexual exclusivity) is a very important component of at least some gay relationships. After reading about his recent marriage, I decided to see if he would share his insights on gay monogamy. I’m saying this based, in part, on a discussion I had last week with Darren (D.J.). I recently commented on how elusive life-long monogamy appears to be within the gay community.